Death comes along with grief, and it becomes the final form of love.
It feels so long back then..
The edge of the grave makes my mind wander. Her whole body lied, shrouded in long clothes down to her toes, barely show her skin. Gentle rain of soil cascaded upon her face, as they lowered her to the final resting place, driving me mad. Yet I standing still, taking it for granted. The mound of ground has shaped in a blink, crowned with stone, hibiscuses as blanket, along with the hands to pray,
Here lies the mother of two — the daughter of the earth.
Days began and flashing at a light speed since then…
The loss of someone we loved was always deeper by miles than any sadness, any fear, of anything we’ve been through. Even then, the ourselves-turn. Missing them has been a thing that lingered in our whole body. Meanwhile, we need to remember them as a way for us not to forget their existence. Well, I know for sure each memory we tried to open up regardless hurt us to its extent. Perhaps that is the reason why my memories tried to hide. My brain knew enough that it could only pull from my toes to my fingertips. Well, I also recently resemble the memories left in my mind. While I was about to arise how she sounded to my ears and how she looked the last time I saw her, it merely cried my lungs out instead of fulfilling my longing. I figured out how those memories worked out as I thought about it. Well, perhaps it works for everyone as well…
The time that passed suddenly raised my memories to remember that my loved one has truthfully slipped away from my life into my memory forever. Those moments when my mind has finally awakened from the moment of silence, shock, and numbness, and it starts to reunite my brain cells again as I ruminate about my mother, was one of the things that shouldn’t be ignored. To remember her again, I embed the tiny details in my memories about the world she once lived in. When I try to remember her as a way for me to get rid of this missing-ness symptom in my everyday life, I only hurt myself with those memories. But I guess that is how grieving works.
Losing someone to death was not a thing to be romanticized but to be embraced. Grieving now means I allow myself to sense and embrace the remembering itself. I let my mind take the most pain to retain the memories of my mother. My soul must remember those painful memories and be sad to ease the burden. In that case, start by remembering the one we love; even though it’s painful to die, it makes us reach the highest form of loving them. Isn’t that why we still hold them closely in our hearts? Grieving made us love them even more by recalling our memories with them.
Grieving is everything only you can cope with. Take it upon yourself to do something your soul needs that eases the burden. We can’t make friends with grieving but to let it all the way into our existence. Feel its sadness shrouding us to its content; let it burn to the ground until we return to our senses. When you feel you have reached your limit and claimed acceptance again, get up and swim into those memories once more, for grief is the final form of love.
